If you ever

If you ever come across this (which I know you wouldn’t), I just wanted to let you know that I still give a damn about you, about what you are doing, that I am still affected with everything. I just hate myself for letting you break me from inside.

I just plainly hate myself for ever trusting your sweet forever.

Forever does not exist, at least for us. For me.

I Wished

I texted you because I wished to have a conversation with you. A conversation which would last overnight until the morning, that kind of conversation is what I wished for. I texted you because I want to know if you still care, and I want you to know that I still do.

I did abandon my pride, for you, just for you.

But what did I get?

Disappointment? More than that.

Maybe I just wished too far, dreamed too much that I thought that things will still be the same with us, I never know that you’ve already moved on from our ‘nothingness’.

And I really can’t believe I am actually writing this, I don’t know why, I just knew that it would help me. I don’t know how.

I don’t have any idea.

And I never really thought that I’d lose you.

Goodbye.

All the things I want.

I want to cry, like really cry so hard. Right here, right now. But I can’t. I’ve been trying for a lot of times but still can’t get a tear out.

I’m so broken. I can’t reiterate my feelings, all I know is that I am broken.

Not the glue-able broken, not the fixable broken, but the broken- broken.

It’s just so hard to accept the reality of things.

I can’t, without you, I just can’t.

***

I thought I was your angel.

Still Devastated

Time heals all wounds but somehow I’m still broken.

There was never an us. Yes, there never was. We just,

  • Talked all day long.
  • Exchanged sweet texts
  • Asked each other if we’ve eaten breakfast or lunch yet
  • Told each other secrets
  • Cared for each other
  • And loved.

Yes, it was never a thing. We were never a thing.

But what are we? What WERE we?

I’m still devastated, yes I am. I miss you. A lot.

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

It still hurts to think that you’ve moved on that fast, found someone in an instant.

Well, I can’t blame you, I have nothing to offer you, I’m just one of those things you can readily replace with better ones.

I JUST HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE (which I’m sure you are).

I’m not bitter, justĀ  completely devastated.

I just hope I’ll get over you, soon.