How about closure? Do we need that?
Do we need to close something we weren’t even sure was open?
Yes, even after a long time, you still come across my thoughts. I still come to think about you, about us, about the things that we could have become, we could have done. I never expected that we would forever be trapped in this cell, I thought that ignoring you would be the best way I could do, the best way to forget you. But how silly the universe is, right? It clearly made a giant move to let our paths cross again, or say, our paths be one again. I’m kind of excited with the fact that we could be together again, but I never really expected that we could be this close yet so far. The universe is really cruel, I’m not sure if I am the only one who feels this, I’m kind of hoping that you feel what I am feeling too, exhilarated to see you but can never ever hold nor touch you. The universe is funny, it made a joke, and it was on us, or just me.
I wasn’t even diagnosed, but I knew.
People weren’t even aware, but I felt.
It’s so hard to feel something that you can’t even explain to yourself. That feeling of emptiness, hollowness, that hole in you that nothing and no one can ever fill. I was all like this in the very beginning, even when I am not yet aware that this is even happening to me. I thought it was all like a normal thing to feel, it’s just normal to all people until I discovered I was different, I was unique, they tell me it’s ugly too. I have this tendency to feel inferior to every single thing that I do, I feel like I was not enough to those things that I cared for, I can sense that someone is always better or something is always more worthy of someone’s attention than me. I don’t have the right to claim everything that I want, I have to work hard to get it. However, sometimes, too much effort was given and then, still, no one appreciates. You’re still second place, or third, or fourth, or nothing at all. I think I am not worth of a single attention in the world, because I was just me, nothing, just no one, a very unimportant person, someone who could die and the world could still revolve, even more smoothly. I don’t know. Maybe I just need sleep. Or coffee. All I know at this very moment is that I kind of hate the people around me.
In the end, no one will ever understand. No matter what.