I know

I know that I am the one who should be blamed as to whatever happened to whatever it is that was between us, if that ‘us’ really existed. Yes, I clearly know that for a fact, but then upon realizing that it was wrong and I have made a mistake for treating you the way I did, I then tried to be a lot nicer, better, all because I love you and I really need you. But I didn’t expect that you’ll drift away this fast, it hurt me a lot. It ripped my heart out, it really hurts. You knew that a few days ago, I tried, tried really hard to win you back, steal your heart, be mine. However, I also realized that I have no one to win back, no one to steal a heart from, no one to be mine again, all because you were never mine.  I tried communicating again, to ignite a fire to whatever is left in there, just to bring back everything that once was, well I guess, I was just not enough. I guess you thought that you’ve learned your lesson, that lesson is that loving me will just hurt you, I know I did hurt you but here I am now asking for forgiveness and ready to love you more than you thought anyone could have done. But you’re gone. GONE.

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If you ever

If you ever come across this (which I know you wouldn’t), I just wanted to let you know that I still give a damn about you, about what you are doing, that I am still affected with everything. I just hate myself for letting you break me from inside.

I just plainly hate myself for ever trusting your sweet forever.

Forever does not exist, at least for us. For me.

I Wished

I texted you because I wished to have a conversation with you. A conversation which would last overnight until the morning, that kind of conversation is what I wished for. I texted you because I want to know if you still care, and I want you to know that I still do.

I did abandon my pride, for you, just for you.

But what did I get?

Disappointment? More than that.

Maybe I just wished too far, dreamed too much that I thought that things will still be the same with us, I never know that you’ve already moved on from our ‘nothingness’.

And I really can’t believe I am actually writing this, I don’t know why, I just knew that it would help me. I don’t know how.

I don’t have any idea.

And I never really thought that I’d lose you.

Goodbye.

All the things I want.

I want to cry, like really cry so hard. Right here, right now. But I can’t. I’ve been trying for a lot of times but still can’t get a tear out.

I’m so broken. I can’t reiterate my feelings, all I know is that I am broken.

Not the glue-able broken, not the fixable broken, but the broken- broken.

It’s just so hard to accept the reality of things.

I can’t, without you, I just can’t.

***

I thought I was your angel.

Still Devastated

Time heals all wounds but somehow I’m still broken.

There was never an us. Yes, there never was. We just,

  • Talked all day long.
  • Exchanged sweet texts
  • Asked each other if we’ve eaten breakfast or lunch yet
  • Told each other secrets
  • Cared for each other
  • And loved.

Yes, it was never a thing. We were never a thing.

But what are we? What WERE we?

I’m still devastated, yes I am. I miss you. A lot.

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

It still hurts to think that you’ve moved on that fast, found someone in an instant.

Well, I can’t blame you, I have nothing to offer you, I’m just one of those things you can readily replace with better ones.

I JUST HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE (which I’m sure you are).

I’m not bitter, just  completely devastated.

I just hope I’ll get over you, soon.

To Those Drizzles

To those Drizzles,

Thinking that, if people were rain, I was drizzle and you were a hurricane.


This was an excerpt taken from the novel written by John Green, Looking for Alaska.


always wonder why there exists relationship between two people who are very far apart from each other. I mean, how cruel life is to let these persons meet, torn them apart, break them in pieces and leave them hanging, hurt, depressed and have nothing to do with their lives. It’s just plain cruelty, fate is cruel. Life is, too. Love hurts, romance is obsolete let us not believe to its fantasies. They will just break and crush us.

***

Bitter.

To those who Weep

To those who weep,

I weep for you too, as much as I weep for myself. I am a living representation of a broken persona; alive, whole and seamless when viewed outside but scratch an inch from my skin and the reality that you will witness will be so shocking you will never ever forget about it. For us who weep, keep weeping. Weeping is not forever.